Promising Young Sex Pest Faces Uncertain Future

John Man is the sort of brilliant musician who is universally loved by people who haven’t met him. Charismatic, talented, and dedicated to his art, Man should have a very bright future in the classical music world.

“I love performing,” he explained. “You could say I’m at my best when I’m making people feel like they can’t leave the room.”

Man spent a lot of time practising as a youth, committed to his love for music and/or the status it brought him. “I’ve always been inspired by the power of art. The way it can transform, excite, and transcend the normal bounds of human interaction. People can be really changed after an encounter. Forever.”

After recently entering the profession, Man has been shocked and disappointed to discover that his gifts are not being universally welcomed. “I thought other people were there to enjoy my talents, but people keep talking about things like respect, personal space, and appropriate interpersonal conduct,” he complained. “My teacher didn’t know about any of that stuff so why should I?”

Though Man is aware that he could try to learn some new concepts like responsibility or perhaps empathy, he nevertheless doesn’t want to. “I learned how to be this way from all the horrible boys who bullied me mercilessly at school,” he explained. “They were such awful people and made me feel so terrible that I thought to myself, wow, I aspire to be like that one day. That is my goal.”

Sally McNally, a colleague who has worked with Man on no more than one project, did not have any comment.