To Succeed As A Musician You Just Need To Be Confident, And Relentlessly Correct

John Man, concert critic and pedagogy pinion, has some simple advice for young musicians hoping to make it in the music world today. “I like being on the edge of my seat in a concert, but I also like to know that the performance is going to be good,” he explained. “So I think the youngsters would be well-advised to take my advice: you just have to be more confident, so long as everything you do is unremittingly correct.”

Man says that one of the main problems with the music world today is the prevalence of competitions. “Competitions are boring because nobody takes any risks,” he said. “Don’t musicians know how impressed I would be if they took the sort of bold, unique risks that no-one else dared to take? That would amaze me, so long as they worked perfectly every time.”

We found some musicians who were actually preparing for a competition, and chatted to them about Man’s advice. “We have been punctiliously preparing a sackful of pieces for months,” said Sally McNally, along with her pianist, Unnamed Extra. “We have been slaving over every detail, absorbing the advice of every teacher, coach, and expert we could find, even the advice that contradicts other advice, all of which is expressed as unalterable gospel and any one of which could make or break our entire careers if we don’t follow it. That’s why we are looking forward to freely and confidently expressing our own unique vision during the only seventeen minutes and twenty-three seconds of our lives that actually matter. I know I am full of confidence because I crawl out of bed every morning to do this.”

Man was impressed, but cautiously optimistic. “I will decide if she is confident or not,” he said with a frown. “It will depend on whether she is brilliant enough to captivate my imagination in a way that is unforgettably magical, and also correct at all times. That’s all there is to it.”