Box Of Four Hundred Sandwiches Too Expensive And Elitist, Declares Man

John Man, keen opera hater and music muppet, says that he doesn’t understand why anyone would want to buy a box of four hundred sandwiches. Though he can see how it might be an important cultural tradition, he thinks that it’s simply too expensive, stuffy, and elitist.

“For that sort of price you could probably buy two hundred burgers, an old shotgun, or about nine hundred cheaper sandwiches,” he said. “That’s just too expensive and out of touch with the common man for me.”

Sandwich You, the company that sells the unwieldy box, says it has been working hard to make the product more accessible and relevant to the youth of today. “We don’t want to be seen as just a museum-piece, like an opera or a stuffed woolly mammoth,” said a spokesperson. “It really is very exciting to have a box of four hundred sandwiches, and we want people to know that.”

At the heart of the issue seems to be the way that many people in today’s busy world simply do not have time for a box of four hundred sandwiches, or they are not aware of the unique pleasures a box of four hundred sandwiches can bring them. “A lot of people don’t grow up with boxes of four hundred sandwiches in their daily life,” said Sally McNally. “This means it can be hard for them to get used to the idea of a box of four hundred sandwiches when they reach adulthood. It’s not elitist, it’s just unfamiliar.”

We asked Man why he though the box of four hundred sandwiches was elitist, and what he thinks could be done to make it more appealing. “Well, do you think you can just go down to your local convenience store and buy a box of four hundred sandwiches? You can’t,” he said, “and that’s elitist. I think that the box of four hundred sandwiches should try harder to be a pie. I like pies. Why can’t it just be a pie?”

Sandwich You said that they have actually tried that sort of thing before. Last year they released a special edition box of four hundred sandwiches which replaced half the sandwiches with pies. Unfortunately, their regular customers did not like this at all. Bob Guy reportedly opened his box and said “what the fuck is this pie doing here?”

Man says that that just proves Bob Guy and Sandwich You are elitist. “Why should they be allowed to like the sort of stuff they like without catering to the different sort of stuff I like even though the sort of stuff I like is amply served by it being what I like about it? Elitists.”